No Words Needed…

April 8, 2014




Improv Your Life

March 25, 2014

Dr Seuss

I recently read that Improv only works if you say yes to everything. Denying or ignoring what others are saying or doing kills the scene. Staying present to what is, one line at a time is the key to great improv. I love this way of thinking … especially in terms of relationships.

Almost all conflicts in my relationships are about trust. Can I trust you to be three for me when I am upset? Can I trust you to work for our family? Can I trust you to stay sober? Can I trust you to be faithful? Can I trust you to support me in caring for our family? Really I am not trusting myself, but it’s easier to make it about you!

It’s like I enter your movie theater and turn off all the lights. I project my fears onto your screen and sit back with my popcorn and watch. The drama becomes so clear and the details so crisp. I can get lost in it pretty quickly, and clearly everything I am lacking is your fault!

John Gottman says trust in relationships is built in small moments, those little moments when we choose to turn towards our partner, even when it feels scary or annoying. You can read more about it here. He is talking about learning to improv… stay present with what is real right now. Each time I get annoyed or really scared, I am practicing showing up. The results are pretty cool. I often feel like Dorothy and find that I already had what I was looking for. So click your heels and give it a shot…

When conflicts crop up in your relationship, ask yourself, “IF THIS IS TRUE, THEN WHAT? ” Perhaps you will need to feel some feelings or make some requests, or perhaps not. Either way, if you can pretend you are doing improv and RESIST NOTHING, then you are in the relationship and not just sitting in the audience watching it happen.

Who knows, the very thing you were trying to avoid may turn into your biggest blessing!
I do not like
green eggs
and ham!
I do not like them,

You do not like them.
SO you say.
Try them! Try them!
And you may.
Try them and you may I say.

If you will let me be,
I will try them.
You will see.

I like green eggs and ham!
I do!! I like them, Sam-I-am!

I do so like
green eggs and ham!
Thank you!
Thank you,



Money and Love All In One Sentence

Kate Northrup’s book, Money: A Love Story: Untangle Your Financial Woes and Create the Life You Really Want, is a game changer for me. Thought you might enjoy it as well. If anyone is interested in joining me in this work, let me know. I love a recovery party!

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I read where Mizzou students, former football players, and faculty created a wall around the stadium to counter the planned protest by the Westboro Church, and it got me thinking. What would happen if we created a wall of love around Congress and sent them beams of love and kindness while they were in session?. […]

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“Shadow Comforts”

“Shadow comforts can take any form. It’s not what you do; it’s why you do it that makes the difference. You can eat a piece of chocolate as a holy wafer of sweetness—a real comfort—or you can cram an entire chocolate bar into your mouth without even tasting it in a frantic attempt to soothe […]

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“Having Had A Spiritual Awakening…”

I recently heard Wayne Dyer talking about a quantum shift, and as I listened to him describe the huge shift in how we prioritize our values, I realized he was describing what Al-Anon and AA call “a spiritual awakening.”  Addiction is a family disease, and everyone in the family is impacted. Hidden underneath the alcohol or […]

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The Boundary Starts Here!

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The God of My Understanding

I am working on Al-Anon’s Step Two, “Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity,” and one of the questions is “What is my concept of a Higher Power at this time?” That’s a loaded question whose answer spans about 30 years… so I pick up my pen and […]

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